A while back I posted about being an “over-educated old fart with a bad uterus.” Well, since then, some things have changed. I still have my uterus and it’s still bad; but I no longer have the lining of my uterus. Who knew you could just blow up some parts of it, and it still function; however, poorly. I had an endometrial ablation in early June. All the other remedies that the Doc tried just would not stop the incessant bleeding. One month, two months, three months; Lord, please help me! The ablation was the preferred next step. I struggled with this decision because even though I would still be able to conceive a child, I would not be able to carry to term. I had time before the procedure to mourn the loss of my sacred abilities as a woman. I don’t think there is ever enough time for this type of loss. I have fought the feelings of being less than a woman, or half of a woman. A barren woman. Sometimes the feelings win.
Immediately after the procedure, I had some pain, but the bleeding had finally stopped. I was getting back to myself again, until. . . the bleeding started again. ‘Hello, old friend. I hate you.’ As I write this, it has been three weeks and still…the bleeding. The Doc says this is to be expected and that I am still in the healing process. Sure feels alot like before the procedure. But I’m no medical doctor. It is hard to be a woman sometimes. I keep telling myself that it could always be worse. God knows what He’s doing.